I have thought about this space a million times over the last several months. Missed it. Yearned for it. But never actively choosing to seek it out. There are many reasons for that, many excuses, but I am happy to be writing today. Not entirely sure what compelled me to come here today and sit and type out a bit more of my story to share with my little corner of the internet, but I am here.
Maybe the reason why I find myself here today is the overwhelming amount of emotion I have been going through the last several months. Writing has always helped me feel a sense of release and relief when I am not able to articulate things verbally, so perhaps it shouldn’t come as a surprise to me that I find myself here and once again needing to find comfort in the written word. The range of emotion that I have felt over the last several months can be attributed to the fact that I have been utterly and truly swept away by a certain someone that I met back in December strictly by chance. You guys, I honestly don’t even think that there are enough words to truly convey the thoughts and feelings that I have experienced with this person and with myself. I have lived some dark days as you know and have come out fully on the other side a stronger, different, and better person, but during those dark days, I had almost, almost given up hope at ever meeting someone who touched me to my core and made me feel like I had stars in my eyes and butterflies in my stomach.
This amazing man has made me feel special every single day since we met. Every. Single. Day. It is the littlest things that have added up to be one very big thing. There have been ups and downs, some little tiffs here and there, some adjustments for both of us as we each navigate being in a relationship again, but we have made it through. Together. Together. It hasn’t always been easy and as much as it pains me to admit this, a lot of the struggle has been on my end. It has been tough for me to navigate being in a relationship again and all of the feelings that come along with that relationship. As I said, I have been overwhelmed by a range of emotions ranging from fear, happiness, comfort, shock, like, joy, elation, insecurity, happiness, happiness, happiness, fear, and dare I say it, love. I believe in love and I always have, but every once in awhile, I admit that I have let some of my past take over my head. I suppose this is only natural and thankfully, I have worked hard to work through these things and feel as if I have the tools to work through these thoughts and feelings within myself. In these rough moments, I chose to focus on the happiness that this person helps to bring to my life. The little ways he makes me feel special and cherished which in turn, helps me to feel that way about myself.
While I am not quite ready to share the details of this here, we have recently had a couple of conversations that absolutely needed to happen, but that doesn’t make them any easier. You see, we have a few lifestyle differences. Some that I am not entirely sure I am able to overcome on my end. There was a moment that shifted everything. And at this second in time, it is that moment that stands out amongst the rest. The splash of black on an otherwise white canvas. Can we work through these challenges together? Well, we are certainly going to try. Neither one of us are willing to throw in the towel. Neither one of us are willing to lose the stars and the butterflies. Neither one of us are willing to walk away from this special and amazing thing that we have built together. Together. It also comes back to that one single word. Together. We will work on this together and see if we are able to work through these challenges. I am not willing to take my heart back from this person that holds it and I suspect he feels the same as I do.
He is worth it. We are worth it. I am worth it. We deserve to see if this thing that we have built together can overcome these differences. I believe in my heart of hearts that if we are meant to be, then we will find a way and we will do so together. Besides, this amazing man gets me, the truth of me and still stands by and puts up with my bullshit, I can’t give up on that up so easily! 😉
Til next time my lovelies!