I will admit the last few months have been tough for me. And, I will also admit that for me right now and possibly forever, it has been best to not talk about things. I have needed to take the time and process some things on my own and get my bearings. I just haven’t been ready. Ready to talk about how hard it is when sometimes your head and heart pull in different directions. Or when your gut feeling says something different from each of those guiding forces. And frankly, I just don’t know how to put everything into words.
I don’t want all of the answers, ok, maybe sometimes I do want all of the answers to the hard questions, but I know that isn’t feasible. What I do want, is to have things not always be so hard sometimes. Learning life lessons I think can be a tough, tough business. Perhaps I have brought a lot of this on myself and have continued to make mistakes that have proved to be rather costly to me and my heart. Right now, just wishing that it wasn’t so hard to be a nice person somedays. That giving people the benefit of the doubt didn’t have to be so hard and maybe cost so much of yourself all of the time.
Not to say that I am perfect, haven’t made mistakes, haven’t hurt people along the way, but I try my hardest to be a decent enough person and give people the benefit of the doubt and treat them as best as I can. I know that recently that has meant some selfish behavior on my part because I have been trying to find my way and trying to figure it all out. Just hoping I am able to find the strength I need to move forward and not find myself constantly taking 18 steps backwards when I finally have taken a half step ahead. Trying to believe that I will be able to move forward with no hate in my heart, because why? what’s the point?
Maybe this post isn’t fair because I am not saying really anything, but I suppose that is the beauty of having your own blog and your own writing space. 😉 Well, as we always say, one day, one moment, one second and one glass of wine at a time.