It’s that time. The 3 month update on my list of things to do before 30. OH! Right. I didn’t actually really make one. Oh. Ok. Good job, me! So, I didn’t exactly create a list as promised to you or myself, but I have been thinking a lot over the last several months of the things that I want to accomplish by the time I turn 30.
One of the biggest things that I wanted to have more of a handle on and have chosen to really focus on it during the final 6 month Journey to 30, is my emotional well-being. I want to come out on the other side of where I have been at over the last several months. I want to feel like I am making smart choices in my life that will contribute and add to my emotional health, NOT tear it down. I want to feel like I have begun to really surround myself with people that respect me, my thoughts, my dreams, my quirky personality, and my out of control tendencies.
For me, my emotional health is something that I have perhaps taken for granted a bit over the last several years. I thought for a long time, that I could ‘save’ everyone and take on their problems as my own to help absorb their hurt and pain. I thought that by me ‘helping’ everyone else, it would come back to help me and I would feel gratified. Well, I suppose after doing that for so long, you burn out and become a bit of an empty shell of yourself. And that my friends, is exactly how I feel lately. Don’t get me wrong, I do not regret the choices I have made in the past, because they have made me who I am, and even as bizarre as I am, I still love myself most days. And also, I am not choosing to not help people and encourage people, but I think I have needed to come to grips that I can’t ‘save’ anyone. They have to save and help themselves. And I can’t be saved either, I have to save and help myself.
I have always been fairly comfortable with who I am and don’t feel the need to make a lot of excuses for my quirkiness to be honest. Love me or hate me. Your choice. And lately, I have been embracing it even more than ever. I don’t want to apologize for the fact that I say ‘bless you’ to the person on the train that sneezes. I don’t want to apologize for the fact that I tear up at a commercial, greeting card, people that surprise me in various ways, because I miss home, because I miss my family and best pals in Seattle, but don’t want to go home yet. I don’t want to apologize for the fact that I love LOVE the cheesiest and probably THE worst songs ever, but I listen because they make me feel happy and want to have fun. Me embracing these things about myself are just little ways of me taking over my emotional well-being again and feeling even more prepared to rock the world, in my opinion.
I have noticed a lot about myself over the last several months. Not all good. Not all bad. But, that I am human. As much as I hate that sometimes, I am still only human. I make mistakes. I have done not great things. But I try. Everyday. To be better. A better friend. Coworker. Sister. Worker. Daughter. Student. More accepting. More forgiving. More accepting and forgiving of myself.
29 has certainly challenged me in a way that no other year has and as I have written, I don’t want to remember this year as crippling. I want to remember my last year of my 20’s as a year that was so, so challenging but I kicked its ass!
I got a text message this morning wishing me a Happy 3 Months until my 30th and saying that I have grown a lot over the last 3 months and I am fabulous! Well gosh, that makes my day! Thank you! I mean, I think I have grown and changed and overcome things over the last 3 months, but it sure is nice knowing that other people in my life have seen it too. I know it has been a long year for a lot of people in my life when it comes to me.
Life is short kiddos, but long. Seize the day. Live. Love. Don’t be afraid. Be brave. Have courage. Dream big. All of these wonderful cliches and a million more, will continue to help me along my Journey to 30! At the 3 month mark, I am feeling even more strong and happy than I was 3 months ago and I suspect that in another 3 months, I will be feeling even more so. So here’s to 30 and here’s to starting it off right and here’s to 29 and to ending it better than it started!
P.S. I kind of want to go to the Nutcracker on my birthday. Or the Celtics game. Hmm…I will have to ponder how to ring in the big 3-0. You better believe, that whether or not I am in Puerto Rico, at the Nutcracker or cheering on the Celts there is going to be champagne. A lot of it.