Some days my heart just feels like exploding I am so overcome by the wonderful things in my world.
I know that there are several posts on here that would perhaps suggest otherwise, especially these days, but those of you who know me, know me, know and understand how the little things in my life sometimes bring me to tears with gratefulness, know that my moments of bad are really just tiny moments in comparison to the moments of amazing in my mind.
I do believe that most people in this life do want to be loved, thought of from time to time, respected, cherished and a million other feel good feelings. And, I am not sure it matters who does the loving or respecting – an old friend, a family member, or a stranger. I am not ashamed to admit that is what I want and hope for in this life. In the moments that I am not able to feel those feelings for myself, it helps knowing that I have some amazing people to fill the void in my heart from time to time.
It doesn’t take much for me to become swept away in a good moment, almost embarrassingly so. I have noticed it more and more over the last several years, but so much so since I have moved away from everything familiar. There are a thousand little moments that have shaped my life here and made things just a little bit easier. Offers of airport rides at 3:30 in the morning by two people that I have just met, my roommate always saving me the red straw when we have cocktails at home, several offers over the last couple of Thanksgivings to join a new family for the day, playing Roxanne for me on the Jukebox when I don’t ask for it, texts from afar from old friends and family, always being included, even the likes and comments on my blog either on the site or on a more personal one on one level – these are just some of the moments that I will never forget.
Lately, I feel like I have been starved for some nice in life. Some good people. Some nice people. There are have been several recent instances that have made me question so much of my own life, my own self, and just people. And then I remembered everything above. Maybe instead of needing more nice, I should focus on the nice and amazing and special I already have and then perhaps, more nice will follow. Perhaps I should focus on being a good person myself and revisit the things that I feel are important and not compromise those things again.
While this time in my life may not be easiest, I am making the choice not to fixate on the bad, but to cherish and revel on the amazing. I don’t want to look back on this last year as something so crippling that I couldn’t breathe sometimes, I want to look back at this last year of my 20’s as something that was a challenge, but I overcame that challenge, became a better person, more gracious, and thankful for having lived through it all. And this living, that I am doing, well, it is made a little bit brighter with some amazing people, some amazing memories, and a whole lot of moments.
So to those of you that read this journal of sorts, thank you. New and old. You have helped me and continue to help me heal my heart and soul.