Well, we all know this, but life isn’t easy. There are many ups and downs, twists and turns, straights and curves, and challenges. Oh, challenges. There are a lot of those. Challenges test who you are, force you to dig deep within yourself to come out feeling like a winner on the other side, and they can be soul shaking (in a good or bad way!) in my opinion. Now that we have established, or perhaps re-established what challenges kind of are, let me get to the point of this post.
I felt a bit challenged yesterday. And today, today, I still don’t know what to do about it. I am not one for confrontation, in fact, I really avoid it at all costs. I have gotten better over the years about standing up for myself and taking care of myself the best that I can in that sense, but every once in awhile, there is a moment, or challenge that arises that involves someone else or multiple someones where I have to really look within myself to figure out what the best thing to do might be. This might be confronting someone. This might be taking a step back and reassessing things. This might be completely cutting off whatever the problem might be. Or, maybe ignoring things all together and hoping it just gets better with time…(oy, not so sure that this is an option here, but still, a nice thought!)
I think it can be hard when certain challenges with people make you question who you are and second guess the type of person you are and the type of personality you have. And this my friends, is where I am at today. I would like to believe in my heart of hearts that I am a good person. A decent person. A
bit ton quirky, but someone who is nice and friendly and maybe a touch charming. I believe that everyone should be made to feel special at least once a day by someone out there and so I try to do that. Stranger or not. I would like to think that I am trustworthy and believable. I don’t tend to like confrontation, but I do feel like I wear my heart on my sleeve in a lot of ways. I have many downfalls as well, I am so stubborn, SO stubborn. Sometimes I can be passive aggressive. Other times way too direct. I can definitely be hot-headed and can be defensive. But, I am human. Take me or leave me kiddos.
It is hard to find yourself in a situation where you feel like you are having to explain yourself or defend your actions. Listen, it is my life. I don’t owe people any explanation for how I am choosing to live that life. Which you can assume, I am not doing anything illegal or dangerous or detrimental to anyone. I am just a 30 year old woman who is trying to find her place in this life, just like everyone else. The people in my life are there for a reason, because I want them to be. Because they all bring something special out in me and bring something wonderful to my life to be thankful for. This is not something that I should need to constantly reiterate to someone. And frankly, who is anyone to question who I talk to, who I spend time with, who I do things with and when?
Something else I wonder is this, is nothing sacred anymore? Are conversations between two people not kept between those two people? Maybe I am just super old school, but if you tell me something, it stays with me. Believe me or not, but it is the truth. If you are coming to me in confidence and frankly, even if you aren’t, what you say doesn’t go further. It isn’t my business to tell the world your business and I hope vice versa. I mean I get it, maybe you want to brag to people that you are talking to me, I mean who doesn’t want to brag about that? It’s kind of a big deal, ha! 😉 BUT, come on.
Whomp whomp could this post be anymore stupid, heavy-hearted, weirdly loaded?! Sigh. Shifting gears…
It is the first day of summer! It is absolutely gorgeous in Beantown and temps are looking to be in the low 80’s all weekend. Holler! Too bad I will be stuck doing school work for a big portion of it. Hoping to at least do some reading outside. Hope it is fabulous weather to welcome summer in wherever you all are!
Thanks for listening to my random ramblings and my pity moment. I am fine and absolutely will be fine. Once I knock some people around! 😉
Love to you all, new and old, real life friends or just lovely followers of my life on this blog!